I’m bored of feeling like this. I’m bored of considering a day good if I’ve only thought about topping myself 3 or 4 times. Please tell me that this is not normal? I’m so used to living this way that I’m not entirely sure it’s not how it’s meant to be and that everyone really feels like this, they just hide it better. I’m bored of fighting with myself and everyone else over nothing. I’m bored of over-analysing things so that even the most innocuous of comments seems like an unforgivable insult. I’m bored of everything I try and do to make things better just making it worse. I’m bored of being uneployed. I’m bored of having no friends and nobody to talk to.
I want out of this, I want to be well. I want to live a normal life, or as close to normal as everyone else is. Is this too much to ask? THe problem is I don’t know how to get there.
I spent a long time on the phone to someone last night, which is a miracle in itself, me on the phone?! It helped. Just talking to someone who isn’t one of the three people I normally see. I have a feeling I rambled and that he now knows more about my life than he probably wanted but I’m really grateful. Thanks 🙂 I now have a to do list that I’ going to be forced to accomplish including taking on some voluntary work just to get me out of the house. Lets hope I can do it.
The problem is when you’re so apathetic, that achieving nothing makes you exhausted, how do you go on to achieve something? I’ve made a drs appointment, I want to beat this but I’m not strong enough and I don’t know how.