The most depressing day of the year

Is today alledgedly. And looking at the weather outside, I can kind of see their point. So does that mean from here on in things can only get better?

To be fair, some good stuff has happened. I have my UCAS form in for nursing and got invited to my first interview 2 days later, interview’s at the end of March so have time to plan sensible style answers. That has to be a good sign right? Although it’s not getting through the interviews that worries me, it’s the fitness to practice type occy health stuff that’s the problem. But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, I’ve still got to get in. My 5million job applications have finally been met with one interview, this Friday. It’s for a home care worker position, which is probably a bit rubbish but pays well and is very local to me. So here’s hoping. My financial situation is becoming decidedly precarious so if I don’t get something soon…

See, there are some positives if you look hard enough. The problem is that when I start feeling a bit happy/optimistic my brain shouts me down. How dare I be happy? What have I done to deserve it? I must be depressed, my brain tells me so.

And psych serivces finally got off their arses and gave me an assessment. Woo! But wait, don’t get too excited, an opportunity really doesn’t exist. So, have an assessment, dredge up your worst memories, the ones you’ve spent months supressing and then tell you there’ll be a five month waiting list for anything else. Just great. Leave me feeling vulnerable and then tell me to wait indefinitely to feel better. On the plus side, I didn’t gain any extra diagnoses which has to be a first!

There may be a solution though. A light, a wonderful chance. There is a charity here, a not-for-profit specialist mental health provider, who on top of their in patient units which take crazy people in and release them as reformed sane people weeks later, also has an outpatient therapy team. It sounds amazing, what the NHS should be, I actually cried when I found it, it looks that good. So, I’m going to my GP tomorrow to ask for a referral. Plentiful fingers crossed for me please? I don’t hold out much hope, it’s probably massively oversubscribed and I’m sane on the outside remember?

So there is hope. Not much, but a glimmer. I want to beat this. I’m not safe as I am.

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2 Responses to The most depressing day of the year

  1. laurisa718 says:

    I have my finger crossed you, and you have my best wishes as well! Please let me know how it goes for you. However it turns out… I’m here wishing the best ya!

  2. Lola Snow says:

    This does all sound really promising, it’s brilliant when those first few rays of light start flicking through for you. Now you have something to work on too. Keep the ball rolling, have back ups for your back ups and always have something to look forward to, I find that helps. If you capitalise on the good days, they breed more good days. You Can do this, and I’m grinning my head off like the looney that I am, because I think you are seeing it too now. Good for you, make sure you give yourself the credit, because you made this happen.

    Lola x

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