I am still here, did you miss me?! I’m coping, suprisingly well to be honest and even more remarkably I don’t want to die at least not until I’ve seen how things turn out. This is nothing short of a miracle for me, ok I still get moments of “let’s just put the car into that there signpost” but they don’t last, they don’t pervade everything I do.
The reason I’ve not been writing much is I’m working on this mindfulness malarky (ignore the religious element in the link and concentrate on the psychological stuff). Basically it involves living in the moment, being non-judgemental, observing and describing your emotions but not adding anything to them or taking anything away. I am hugely sceptical about it, but apparently it’s a key DBT technique so maybe if I can get a bit of a handle on it before I start therapy, it will make it that bit easier in the long term.
However, mindfulness and blogging are not the best of friends. As part of this, I’m trying not to dwell in the past or consider the future (admittedly with only very limited success), so obviously writing about either of those two times is out too, particularly while I’m struggling so much with it. Which leaves me with the present and to be honest that’s rather dull unless you want to read my emotion descriptions along the lines of “I notice I feel fear, I observe I have butterflies in my stomach”.
I’m considering doing a more indepth piece about what mindfulness actually involves and how it feels to me. However, I’m basing my information on knowledge gleaned from books and t’interweb so it may not be very accurate. I don’t want to be shot down for providing inaccurate psychobabble on something I freely admit I don’t even begin to understand. However, I could give my take on it form my very limited personal experience for what that’s worth.
Other than that, I’m off to Bulgaria on Thursday. Woo!