Sleep is incredibly elusive at the moment. I just can’t get there. Either my mind is racing 19 to the dozen coming up with crazy scheme after insane plot to improve my life or I’m in floods of tears wondering how I can possibly cope or make it through another day – generally both within half hourly intervals. It’s at times like this I miss my little yellow sleepy pills (aka my beautiful bottle of valium). It quietens the mind and provides peace when there isn’t a lot of it around.

I’m not proud of seeking prescription relaxants but my body clock is getting buggered by my rediculous mind. I need a lot of sleep, always have. I used to be the grumpy one at sleepovers shouting at people because I wanted to sleep and they all wanted to sit up all night and gossip (I mean why call them sleepovers if there was clearly not going to be any sleep involved). So because I’m not getting to sleep until late, I’m finding it impossible to get up again in the mornings. I’ll set a sensibly timed alarm, make all these promises to myself about getting up when it goes off and then ignoring it and disappearing under the duvet for another few hours. Which obviously makes it even more difficult to sleep the following night.

I could go to my GP and I’m sure I’d get them but if I did, I don’t think I could trust myself given what I did to the last bottle. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not actively suicidal at the moment, actually a lot of the time I’m doing pretty damn well thank you very much, it’s just that one pill provides some peace ergo lots of pills provide lots of peace. I’d probably be ok but I’m just not prepared to take that risk so in the meantime I’ll battle on woth sleep where I can find it.


2 Responses to Sleep.

  1. aims says:

    Try Melatonin. It works wonders and is over-the-counter. I combine 1 with 1/4 gravol. It’s good enough to calm my mind down when I need it. If I’m not having any luck with that – I up my gravol by 1/4.

    Of course – you (and I mean anyone)can be goofy about any drugs so it’s your call.

  2. loopykate says:

    I just checked in and found 3 different blog posts in my feeder all on the issue of sleep (or lack of it). Must be something in the air at the moment.
    As a seasoned insoniac for most of my life, I’m afraid I haven’t yet found the solution. What I do know is that grabbing those extra few hours kip in the day is fatal.
    Arduous and unappealing as it sounds, exercise is one of the best soporifics. Try and get at least half an hour of something like brisk walking in the day. I’ve sometimes even gone for late night strolls although this isn’t always possible or advisable.
    Sleeping pills or sedatives have never really worked for me and I understand your qualms about having them around. Is there anyone who could stash them for you and you just keep a tiny amount to hand? Long term always a bad idea though – addictive I believe!
    I do hope you manage to sort it out soon. The racing-thoughts business is such a bugger. I believe there are forms of meditation that can help subdue this but I can’t say they’ve ever worked for me (or I just haven’t tried hard enough).
    It won’t last for much longer. Sleep will come back. Hold in there!

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