I’m not sure whether to write this or not. Maybe if I continue in blissful denial then things will turn around. I don’t want to confess to this, I don’t want to feel like a failure. I can be strong, keep portraying that facade to the world and nobody will know any better right?
I’m balanced on the edge, looking down into that deep, black, bottomless pit again. And I don’t know if I care enough to try and stop me falling. To be honest I think it may be too late even if I was prepared to fight. It just seems to me that life is ultimately pointless. Yes, you can have some good times and they’re fab and fun but they don’t last. Then the rest of the time you’re left with either darkness or dusk. The emptiness of not being down as such just exisiting day to day with little to show for it and no sign of dawn ever coming round again. And the alternative? Let’s just not go there for now.
My life feels devoid of anything good going for it and my foothold on that edge is getting weaker all the time.