So you may or may not have established that I am coping badly on my own and despite my mothers best attempts to set me up with the offspring of assorted workcolleagues, it seems set to stay that way. Since internet dating is meant to be the in thing these days I thought I’d have a go at my own advert.
WARNING: The following is my attempt at coping using bitterly sarcastic humour. Please ignore if easily offended/triggered.
Female, 23. I’d say GSOH but more a bitterly twisted and incredibly sarcastic sense of humour that has a tendency to go too far without my realising it. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This means I will come across as manipulative, demanding, nagging and repetitive while I think I am being truthful, kind, considerate and caring. Any attempts to point this out to me will be met badly. I will have a plan in my head of how I expect you to behave (which will obviously not be explained to you) and if you do not act in a manner that fits it, I will allow it to ruin at the very least the rest of the day, probably the whole week. I am moody and suicidal. There’s a good chance I will attempt to kill myself at least once over the course of any relationship, if you’re lucky, I’ll succede. I will store up things you have done which hurt me and will throw them back in your face at the most inopportune moment. I will come out with the nastiest things imaginable when what I really mean is “hold me and protect me”. My mood can flip between euphoric and suicidal without warning, sometimes multiple times each day and my views of you and others will follow simiarly erratic trajectories. Oh, and just because I can say all this, don’t expect me to know how to do anything about it.
I am very in to cuddling and kissing but anything beyond that leaves me paralysed with fear and self loathing so don’t be expecting to score. I’m also still head over heels in love with my ex so don’t expect to be my special someone.
I’m going to be a student for at least the next three years so ideally I’m looking for someone able to support me financially. I have what used to be described as ‘rolls royce ideas on a push bike income’ except for my income would struggle to afford the rear wheel for a pushbike never mind the frame. My idea of fun involves either picking up paralytic drunks on a Friday night or hobbies more generally followed by those 50+.
On the plus side, I am a fairly good cook 🙂
I am expecting to be overwhelmed by numerous applications so the ultimate winner will be determined by a set of tasks of my choosing!