Dear cyclists of Cambridge,

As the majority of you seem to be amongst the most incompetent road users I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across, I thought I’d explain some basic road rules to you:

  1. Red lights mean stop. For those of you that are red-green colourblind or just looking for an excuse, the red one is the light at the top. When it’s lit up, do NOT go through it. It’s really not that difficult.
  2. The pavement is for pedestrians. Those are people without wheels. This means you cannot use it to shortcut round the above mentioned red lights. Unless the pavement has a bike lane, in which case go crazy.
  3. Lights. These have a purpose, they’re so you can be seen. Ok, I admit the next bit is fairly advanced science… At night it is dark. In the dark it is hard to see things unless they are lit up. No lights = no visibility = squashed cyclist

Thank you for your understanding in these matters.

Yours in eternal hope of not killing or being killed by one of you,



2 Responses to Dear cyclists of Cambridge,

  1. aims says:

    Ahhh! Seems like something is up!

  2. James Cranch says:

    I appreciate some of the sentiment. But, is it all that likely you will be killed by a cyclist? The valedictory part of your post attempts to describe the matter as having a kind of symmetry, and I’m not sure that symmetry really exists.

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