I’m drowning in paperwork. Things that should have been sorted months ago. Letters that I have no recollection of receiving. Consequences of which I have no understanding. Threats acted on or implied. Trouble coming. I can’t even write it down because that would make it real. I have to sort these things but I do not know how. I cannot overcome the inertia required to make the first move.

It’s not fucking difficult Anickdaler, just pull yourself together and get on with it. Stop being such a pathetic waste of space, drain on society, user and abuser of friends time and generosity. You’re meant to be bloody intelligent and yet you can’t even pick up the phone. How worthless are you? It’s no wonder everyone hates you, it’s more than you deserve.

I’ve been back in the UK barely 36 hours and already I’m failing.


5 Responses to Argh.

  1. You’re not failing.

    So take a deep breath. And keep in mind something a friend of mine said to me years ago, “there’s no situation you can possibly find yourself in, which you can’t get back out of, everything is sortable.”

    Just needs to be done one step at a time.

    Can you get help with this. Given that I don’t know what’s happened I’m taking wild-ass guessing/my imagination is running away with itself, but could the CAB help? Could friends help?

    Second prioritise. You can never underestimate the importance of prioritising.

    Third, you’ll be OK, it will get sorted and beating yourself is only going to make you feel bad. You don’t need to feel bad.

    Oh and I speak from experience that most threats in letters are aimed at people who don’t want to sort things out, so as long as you start/keep talking people will work with you. (Unless of course it’s the type of threat letter you get from your neighbour’s Uncle Bob, who’s in the mafia and has threatened to beat you up for running over your neighbour’s cat… (I’m kidding, I’m kidding 😉 )).

    And if there’s anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to let me know.

    Take care,

    • anickdaler says:

      Thanks, I’ve made an appt with CAB but they can’t see me for a couple of weeks. They’re going to help me with beneifts and stuff tho when I do see them.

      Damn it, I thought nobody else knew about the cat 😉

  2. aims says:

    Differently has said it all Ana. The only thing I might add is that perhaps you could ask your roommate to help you. Perhaps she could help you sort and then maybe advise you when you have mail – help you put it in different folders – like – do now – coming up – past due – those sorts of things.

    I can’t open mail as it upsets me so much no matter what it is. So The Man took over that and does it all for me. That’s just the way it is for me.

    So – listen to Differently and quit beating yourself up. You need to find a different and more satisfying game.

    • anickdaler says:

      Yeah, it would all be a lot easier if I could just like myself even a little bit occasionally. I gave up with the paperwork in the end and did some baking instead. Doesn’t sort out anything but at least I achieved something rather than just sitting paralysed by it all.

  3. Alison says:

    I know the feeling… my coffee table is full of letters that are piling up, most are dealt with in a kind ‘done way’ but a ‘brushing it under the carpet way’ … whilst I think what I need to actually do…

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