These truths I hold to be evident

Over the past month, here are  a selection of 10 things I believe/have believed/am currently believing:

  1. There is someone in the flat jangling keys. They are probably hiding in the airing cupboard (I checked on multiple occasions; they weren’t, nor were they under the bed or in the fridge)
  2. I am immortal so can do whatever I want (such as climb a very high wall with an inexperienced novice belaying unsupervised)
  3. I will kill myself today/tomorrow/next week/next month/next year/never (or at least make a damn good shot at it)
  4. It’s not self-harm, it’s a science experiment (the amount of lidocaine in teething gel is not sufficient local anesthetic for attempting the equivalent of minor surgery)
  5. Eating at most one meal a day will prevent me gaining weight from risperidone (despite the fact that it is common or even normal to eat at least two, possibly even three)
  6. The event I am en route to is in fact an elaborate hoax perpetrated to get me to think people like me when really they just want to laugh at my disappointment (this one nearly caused a complete meltdown on a crowded train)
  7. Everyone is staring at me (they really were, and talking about me too)
  8. I am worthless scum (this one’s a definite)
  9. I am intelligent, employable, wondrous and not at all ill (medication, who needs that!)
  10. I should just aim for crazy cat lady status, that way I can’t fail yet again (I think it’s a role I could suit)

Yeah, I’m just fine here.


10 Responses to These truths I hold to be evident

  1. Bippidee says:

    Hmmm, I can definitely relate to some of these. Sounds like you are struggling hun. Are you getting any help at the moment? Did you hear anything back from the Complex Cases idiots? x

    • anickdaler says:

      Still waiting to hear from complex cases muppets, but I don’t hold out much help. Other than that, not a lot of support. They keep talking about getting me a CPN but they seem somewhat like gold dust!

  2. aims says:

    Print this out and take it to the next ‘professional’ you see – please!!

    You are so on the edge that it is scary. Someone needs to see that!

    • anickdaler says:

      The thing is I feel much better than I have done in a while all things considered, take out the extremes and I think I’d be ok. Somehow the rational part of me thinks that makes it worse 😦

  3. finefinefine says:

    first time to your blog, i am sorry things are soooo hard (annoying when people say that I know but can’t think what else to say as that’s what I want to say but in less annoying way).
    btw I have “achieved” crazy cat lady status, but I can fail at that (paranoia that I’ve stepped on and killed cat, that she has disappeared, therefore doesn’t like me etc). She is a friend tho. Not all bad. x

    • anickdaler says:

      I would love a cat 🙂 Tennancy agreement won’t allow it which sucks. I do however have a tropical fish tank which although pretty is considerably less soft!

  4. Ditto what aims said.

    You need proper support. When are you next seeing the psych?

    Take care,

    • anickdaler says:

      Seeing the psych in just over a week but could possibly attempt to move it forward. A fair few of the things on that list have been short lived and when they’re not there, things seem somewhat more ok. I just don’t know where I am with any of this.

  5. Nurse Converse says:

    I’m Crazy Rat Lady, that’s way better. Come join me.

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