Tomorrow is psych appointment afternoon. The temptation to hide from it is so great, it’s unbelievable. That’s the problem with being self-supporting, there’s nobody to force me to do anything. My parents came to visit again yesterday. I feel very guilty about them driving 2.5hrs every few weeks just to see me but it does help. I made them promise that they would love me no matter what happens. This seems strangely important to me. I don’t want to let them down anymore. Still haven’t heard back from Complex Cases so guessing that’s a no go. I’m really not that fussed to be honest, didn’t like them anyway. But I do need some support from somewhere, fortnightly half hour psych appointments really aren’t sufficient.
In other news, I’m thinking of joining a gym. There’s one about 5mins walk from my house which is pretty darn convenient and means I’m actually more likely to actually attend as opposed to just meaning too. It’s very fancy, 25m pool, loads of classes, fancy equipment but it’s all comes at a cost. It ain’t cheap but is still costs less than a week of my DLA per month. However, I don’t deserve to spend that money on me no matter how it would make me feel. And while in fantasy land I can convince myself I’d go swimming most days, in reality I’d probably find even that 5 minute walk too much. I do know that exercise makes me feel good. If I hurt from that, I don’t need to hurt in other ways but I just don’t know. Also, it’s a 12 month commitment and that’s terrifying. Who is to say what will happen in the next 12 months, but at the moment it doesn’t look all that promising.