I thought you were meant to care?

I had a GP appointment on _______ (insert day here, I’ve forgotten and can’t quite be bothered to look it up). I’m struggling to build up a regular relationship with a GP. Every time I see one I can get along with, they’re on holiday or busy the next time I need an appointment so once again I was facing doctor unknown. It started badly when he didn’t even ask how I was. I mean, surely that’s a basic communication skill no matter who you’re dealing with. I summarised what had happened at the psych appointment, increase in Risperidone and back to weekly prescriptions again. He obviously didn’t listen to a word I said as he still issued me with a fortnights worth of pills. He then went on to question why I needed to see a GP every fortnight, could I not just get repeats? I muttered something about being a risk to myself (and probably flushed bright red, it’s not something I’m proud if), and he glared at me as if my presence there was massively inconveniencing him and I left. In and out within 3 minutes.

I was so angry. This is one of the few times I feel I’ve been treated truly differently because of my diagnosis. Hell, I don’t want to see a doctor all the time but it’s not like I have a choice right about now.  I felt like a waste of space and that if a GP feels the practice would be better of without me, how does the rest of the world feel? He’s meant to care, to be looking out for me and instead I left convinced he wanted me gone.  I also now have far more pills in my possession than I wanted and slightly too many ideas of what to do with them.

Everything is very spacey at the moment. Things are happening but not to me. I forget everything. I am learning to crochet, and the initial instruction was chain 6 stitches. It took me about 10 attempts as I kept losing count. A 5 year old child can count to 6 for goodness sake, it shouldn’t be challenging to someone with a degree and a degree with a reasonable maths content at that. I self harm but it isn’t me that it’s happening to. It’s like watching someone else be damaged and I feel nothing. I’ve found it hard to focus for long enough to write this and I couldn’t tell you if it makes any sense. I’ve often had problems with dissociation but they’re never fun and I could really do without them at the moment.

Oh, and Complex Cases finally got back to me. They’re going to start seeing me regularly as of next week. I’m yet to decide if this is a good thing or not. It’s a different person to the one who did the assessment so I will give them another chance and see what they can offer me.

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6 Responses to I thought you were meant to care?

  1. As far as complex cases is concerned I’m glad you’ll give them a chance – hopefully they’ll be better than the assessment made them seem, and if nothing else it’ll be some extra support until something better comes along, right.

    Sorry things are so bad – dissociation is a bitch.

    GP is a nob – end of. Hopefully you won’t have to see that one again. Oh and the gp practice wouldn’t be better off without you, since they get extra cash from the government for seeing us mentals – sounds more like the practice would be better off without him.

    And speaking on behalf of the rest of the world – it’s definitely a better place for having you in it. (My world certainly is that’s for sure).

    As far as counting is concerned – I’ve taken to keeping a tally in a book to count mine, but at times it’s taken me umpteen attempts to count how many stitches I have on the needle – since I forget where I got up to (1, 2, 7, 9, 10 etc…). I’m currently blaming it on the neuroleptics, because I can, and that way I can hope that it’ll get easier. Somebody else I know complained about it to the shrink, and was told it’d just take time as memory often takes a bit of time to return. Besides if you’re stressed, or not sleeping well, or distracted because of all the stuff going on inside your head, then concentration and memory will be ‘off’.

    Hope you start feeling better soon. And I’m looking forward to seeing some of your creations.

    Take care,
    Differently

  2. finefinefine says:

    Yes, he is supposed to care. He is someone who should ask “how are you?” and listen to the answer. Try again, there must be someone better in your practice?
    Glad CC got back to you, hope they offer you some support. Why is everything so hard? If we had limbs visible pain this painful it wouldn’t be left would it? x

  3. finefinefine says:

    hmmm, I meant to delete “limbs”!!

  4. aims says:

    If we weren’t so sensitive to everything – we would slough that doc off and call him some rude names. Because obviously he’s an idiot.

    Hold it together girl. You’re going to beat this! I know you are.

    As for the counting – ya – I’ve seen that lots. My brother who has his masters in physics often makes such strong coffee because he can’t remember how many scoops he’s put in and can’t give you change back from any denomination of bills. He just can’t do the counting at all!

  5. Bippidee says:

    Stupid shit GP. I am so pissed off with him for treating you like that. Make sure you never see him again. Is it worth changing surgery – is there another nearby where you would be more likely to be able to see the same person regularly?

    Really glad you have heard from Complex Cases. I hope they are helpful. xxx

  6. trio says:

    What a rubbish GP. I seem to have a good one but he is hard to see as he only works two days a week and is always booked up. I refuse to see anyone else though as I couldn’t cope with going through everything with a new person! I hope you can find a GP that at least shows some humanity!

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