I wrote a while back about risperidone and weight gain as the price I seem to be paying for some stability. Thinking about it though, that’s not the worst problem. I could probably shift the weight if I just got my arse into gear but I can’t bring back what’s gone. I’m talking of course about my memory, vast swathes of which seem to have disappeared. I’ve always had a good memory. When I was a small child, I was always the really annoying one who memorised the whole school play and then attempted to prompt from on-stage causing chaos all round. Through GCSE and A-level exams, I was lucky enough to remember things just by reading them a couple of times and even on into the start of my degree I had a word perfect recall of obscure but relevant facts and figures.
It’s that degree (amongst other things) that has gone. I worked hard for three years to get my degree despite being quite unwell for the last two of them. I learnt a lot, I could apply that knowledge. I could identify minerals, discuss the origin of the landscape and tell you what rock went where. It was a geology degree you see. And now I’m left with nothing. I can’t even remember the fundamental basics. My knowledge of geology is reduced to that of a school child and I miss it.
It seems a high price to pay that to be well I have to lose so much of what got me to where I am today. Sometimes life just really isn’t fair.