TRIGGERS for weight and food discussion.
As I mentioned a while back, I have put on shed loads of weight since starting antipsychotics, particularly quetiapine. This means I now weigh 15 stone, 150% of what I weighed when I was healthy. When I realised I had a third of my weight to lose, I realised some drastic action was necessary so since January, I’ve been working really hard towards losing some of it.
Six days a week, I do an hour of exercise on my Wii. I know that doesn’t sound overly impressive but it leaves me sweaty and exhausted. It involves lots of squats, lunges, running, jumping and general stupidity. I walk the dog for at least half an hour, usually double that. I’ve really worked on my diet, I have one sandwich at lunch instead of two on brown bread with no spread and a low fat filling. I have a healthyish dinner which I eat off a side plate rather than having a full portion. If I crave chocolate, I go for a small piece of high cocoa black chocolate rather than a whole packet of Smarties or Buttons. I’ve cut right back on my drinking, at the moment I drink less than once a week and when I do, it’s less than I would have done before. The only thing I still do which is a bit naughty, is have a slice of homemade cake or a biscuit after dinner.
I’ve kept this up for two months now and the result? Nothing. In all that time, I’ve lost 2kg and that’s it. It’s pathetic. I’m trying to pretend it doesn’t matter, I am getting fitter and I am sleeping less so I’m getting some results but not where I really want them. I almost feel like giving up, I’m giving it my all and I’m getting nothing back.
The last time I put on a lot of weight was when I was taking Carbamazepine as a mood stabiliser. My weight ballooned, although nothing like to the extent it has now. My efforts in getting fit that time coincided with a medication change and the weight just fell off. Within 6 months I was healthier and skinnier than I’d been for years with half the effort I’m putting in now.
It seems the problem is the quetiapine, not only has it caused all the weight gain but it’s clinging to every pound and refusing to relinquish them. The obvious solution would be to give it up or try something different but I’m doing so well right now. I feel reasonably stable and most of the time I’m even happy. I’d be a fool to risk that. Last time I stopped my antipsychotics, I retreated back to a trembling, paranoid mess who was unable to leave the house because everyone was watching and judging me. I can’t go back to that.
There’s not a right answer to this. It seems I’m either stable and fat or skinny and mad. I just wanted a whinge really.